טלפון: 09-7710354, פקס: 09-7741175 |מייל:  sarasilber@yahoo.com
אתר:   www.israelpsychology.com    מיקום הקליניקה: רעננה

 



 


 
מאמרים-אודותי-ועל-עבודתי
מאמרים אודותי ועל עבודתי המקצועית
 

Coaching parents, Coaching Kids; [CITY LIGHTS Edition] Carol Novis.
Jerusalem Post. Jerusalem: Jun 27, 2003. pg. 12

The Parent Coach - A new Approach to Parenting 
Esra Magazine September/October 2003


Bioresonance Therapy 
An Alternative Treatment  for Attention Deficit Disorder, (March 2001)

Neurofeedback 
An Alternative Therapy for Attention-Deficit Disorder (August 2002)

Biofeedback 
Biofeedback Used to Help Hyperactive Children ESRA Magazine #91, June 1997

Parent Psychology Therapy Cards for Mothers, Fathers, Children In Israel 

Parental Alert: Children and Gaza Disengagement 

Divorce Mediation Article 
Google News, February 17, 2006


Interview with Sara in the Press - Bullying in the Schools 
Haaretz Nov. 16, 2007  - click on link: http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/924723.html

Tips for Parents - Getting Organized for School 
  • קלפי אימון- דרך ליצירת כישורים חברתיים

    קרדיט: רבקה צור

    "כאשר בני, אדם, נכנס לכתה א' הרגשנו שיש לו קושי להשתלב. בגלל שהוא ילד רגיש שהגיע לכתה לא קלה, הוא הצטייר כילד בעייתי וממש סבל בבית הספר". לגילה, אימו של אדם, נדלקו מיד נורות אזהרה. "הוא הילד הרביעי במשפחתנו ואנחנו הורים בעלי ניסיון, היינו כמובן מודאגים וחיפשנו דרך לתת לו את העזרה הדרושה. הגענו לקליניקה של  שרה סילבר שהיא פסיכולוגית חינוכית מומחית המטפלת בילדים ובמשפחות, היא באה לראות אותו בכתה והמליצה לנו להעביר אותו מיד לבית ספר אחר. זה היה באמצע השנה ובבית הספר רצו שנחכה עד סוף שנת הלימודים אבל  לילד נוצרה כבר סטיגמה. לכן, למרות הקושי הכרוך בכך העדפנו לקבל את חוות דעתה של שרה ולתת לו הזדמנות במקום חדש". גילה מספרת שהשיפור היה מיידי, אדם נקלט היטב והיום הוא תלמיד מצטיין בחטיבה. מה שעזר לאדם להיקלט בסביבה החדשה ולהתמודד טוב יותר עם המעבר, היה הטיפול שקבל משרה בשיטה המיוחדת של "קלפי אימון" (coaching cards) לאימון ושיפור הכישורים החברתיים, אותה הביאה מארצות הברית.

    סילבר מפרטת: "השיטה פותחה על ידי ד"ר סטיבן ריצ'פילד בארה"ב והיא בנויה על כרטיסיות שמנחות את הילד בכל מיני סיטואציות בתהליך ההתפתחות הרגשית והחברתית שלו. הוא בנה את הכרטיסיות יחד עם הילדים שהיו בטיפולו וחיפשו מענה לבעיות יומיומיות שנתקלו בהן. הוא יצר  20 כרטיסיות כאשר המסר בכל כרטיסיה הוא ברור ופשוט להבנה ומלווה בציור הממחיש אותו. הכרטיסיות מחוברות על ידי טבעת למין חוברת קטנה מניר קשיח בעל ציפוי עמיד שהיא ידידותית למשתמש ואפשר לשאת אותה בתוך התיק ולשלוף אותה במקרה הצורך. זה חשוב כי הסיטואציות שדורשות התייחסות תופסות אותנו הרבה פעמים דווקא כשאנו מחוץ לבית ולאו דווקא מתי שנוח לנו "לשוחח עם הילד".

    - תני לנו כמה דוגמאות למסרים המופיעים בכרטיסיות.

    "הכרטיסיה הפותחת והחשובה ביותר לדעתי, אומרת לילד, ותאמינו לי שזה נכון כמובן גם למבוגרים, יש לך צד חושב וצד מגיב. 'הצד החושב' שבמוח עוזר לנו בפתרון בעיות ומוביל להצלחה בחיים ואילו 'הצד המגיב' מבטא את הרגשות שלנו. הרבה פעמים 'הצד המגיב' משתלט על 'הצד החושב' ואם אנחנו מודעים לכך אנחנו יכולים להתמודד טוב יותר. ניקח לדוגמא מצב לא נדיר לצערי, שבו ילד מרגיש שהוא 'לא מקובל' כמו שילדים קוראים לזה. ההרגשה של דחייה חברתית היא קשה מאוד ויכולה להוציא החוצה התנהגויות של אלימות או מחשבות כמו: 'אף אחד לא אוהב אותי'. 'אני שונא את כולם'. 'אני לא מספיק טוב וכו'".

    - זה באמת נוגע ללב. מה אפשר להגיד לילד שחש כך?

    "התגובה שאנחנו מנסים ליצור אצל הילד בעזרת 'הצד החושב' היא בסגנון של: 'נכון, הם אולי לא אוהבים אותי ואני לא אוהב שהם מתייחסים אלי כך אבל יכול להיות שזה בגלל שהם עדיין לא הצליחו להכיר אותי וכשיכירו מי אני באמת הם ישנו את דעתם'. זה מאוד עוזר שהדברים על השולחן ומטופלים, שהילד מקבל לגיטימציה לרגשות שלו ושנותנים לו אמצעי להתמודד עם אותם רגשות. מסר אחר נוסף הוא 'אתה לא תמיד יכול לקבל את מה שאתה רוצה'. כל הורה עובר את השלב הזה שמתישהו בסביבות גיל שנתיים הילד משתטח על הרצפה וצורח עד לב השמיים כשהוא רוצה משהו. זה לא נגמר בזה כי כשהוא קטן הוא רוצה סוכרייה ובגיל שבע עשרה יתכן שהוא ירצה אופנוע, תמיד יש משהו שאנחנו לא יכולים לקבל ואנחנו צריכים להיות מסוגלים להשלים עם זה. מה שיפה במסרים האלה שהם באמת משמשים אותנו לאורך החיים".

    - תני עוד כמה דוגמאות לכרטיסיות בהן את משתמשת?

    "היה גמיש", הגעת לקולנוע ונגמרו הכרטיסים, אתה מאוכזב השתמש בצד החושב כדי להתגבר על אכזבות. דברים לא תמיד מסתדרים לפי הציפיות והתכנונים שלנו, אין לנו שליטה על כל מה שקורה ואנחנו צריכים להיות גמישים ולחשוב על פתרונות אחרים. "כשמילים נפלטות יש בעיות!", היום יש הרבה ילדים שסובלים מהפרעות קשב שסימפטום בולט לכך הוא אימפולסיביות. הם אלה שיקפצו עם התשובה לפני שהמורה מסיימת את השאלה או, וזה קורה לכולנו, שפולטים הערות פוגעות מבלי לחשוב על התוצאות. "אל תיתפס בחכה", זה מאוד רלבנטי, אתה שוקע במשחק מחשב ושוכח שיש לך שיעורים ודברים אחרים, נתפסת בחכה ועכשיו אתה צריך לשחרר את עצמך לדברים אחרים. כאשר מתאמנים ומפנימים את המסרים זה פשוט עושה את החיים קלים וזורמים יותר, משיגים יותר ומצליחים יותר גם אחר כך כבוגרים".

    - בנוסף להיותך מטפלת את גם מעבירה סדנאות להורים.

    "קיבלתי את רשותו של ד"ר ריצ'פילד לתרגם את הכרטיסיות לעברית להעביר סדנאות בארץ. הסדנאות מיועדות להורים וגם לאנשי מקצוע העוסקים בחינוך. הסדנא נערכת במפגש אחד בו אני מדריכה את ההורים איך להשתמש בכרטיסיות, הם מתנסים בהן בעצמם ובעצם רוכשים 'ארגז כלים', שבעזרתו יוכלו ליישם התנהגויות מועילות יותר מבחינה אישית וחברתית. הסדנא היא במחיר סמלי ומכסה רק את העלויות, יש סדנאות בעברית ויש באנגלית".

    - זה לא קצת בעייתי שההורה הופך למאמן, לא עדיף לפנות לאיש מקצוע?

    "הייתי אומרת שתפקיד שלנו כהורים הוא לאמן ולהכין את ילדינו לחיים. הילדים משוועים להדרכה אך ברגע שהורה מרצה או מטיף לילד הוא יכול ליצור אצלו התנגדויות וחיכוכים נוספים. כאשר משפחה מאמצת את המסרים בכרטיסיות היא גם יוצרת שפה וגם ההורה הופך לבן ברית כי הוא משתמש בה בעצמו. כבר קרה לי שהתרגזתי על משהו והילדים שלי אמרו לי: 'הי, מה עם הצד החושב שלך, מה הוא אומר עכשיו'? אחד הדברים היפים כשמפנימים ומיישמים את השיטה הוא שיש משפחות שממציאות כרטיסיות חדשות עם מסרים שמתאימים להם. הייתה לי משפחה שבה כדי למנוע מריבות על צעצועים הם חיברו את המסר: 'אלמד לוותר ואהנה יותר', ואז הילדים גם מציירים ציורים מתאימים וזה הופך להיות כייף גדול".

    אחת האימהות שעברה את הסדנא היא מיכל (שם בדוי). "בני לא דיבר עד גיל ארבע", היא מספרת, "כשפנינו להתפתחות הילד לא בדיוק ידעו להגיד מה לא בסדר איתו ויצאנו עם האבחון הכוללני 'קוים אוטיסטיים'. נורא נלחצנו והתחלנו בטיפולים אצל אנשי מקצוע שונים, קלינאית, מרפאה בעיסוק, התעמלות וכן הלאה. השקענו המון בעבודה עם הילד ולשמחתנו סגרנו את מרבית הפערים. היום בני בכתה ג' אבל עדיין יש אצלו בעיה מסוימת בתקשורת. הוא ילד מדהים, חכם מאוד, שמח וטוב לב ויש לו הרבה מה לתת לאחרים אבל יש בו שונות מסוימת שילדים בחושים שלהם מזהים אותה ולא ששים להתחבר איתו. יש לו קושי לקרוא את  המפה החברתית, להבין את הסיטואציה ולדעת להגיב בהתאם".

    - ואת מרגישה שאת יכולה לעזור לו?

    "כן,אני מלמדת אותו כאילו באופן מלאכותי מיומנויות שאצל אחרים אולי באות בטבעיות. אחותו הקטנה למשל פשוט נולדה עם זה ואיפה שלא 'נזרוק' אותה היא תסתדר. אבל יחד עם זה כולנו נהנים ומרוויחים כבודדים וכמשפחה מהשימוש בכרטיסיות. יצרנו בובות גרב, אחת לצד החושב ואחת לצד המגיב וזה עוזר להמחיש את הדברים. לדוגמא, באחד מימי ההולדת שנערכו בכתה בני לא הוזמן. התקשרתי לאימו של הילד שהיא חברה שלי והיא אמרה לי שהיא נורא מצטערת ושהיא השתדלה ודיברה על ליבו אבל בנה בשום אופן לא הסכים להזמין אותו. אין מילים לתאר כמה זה כאב לי. באותו רגע שהנחתי את שפופרת הטלפון לקחתי את הבובות ושיחקנו את שני הצדדים. הצד הכועס, הנעלב והפגוע ואחר כך את הצד החושב. בני הקסים אותי כשהוא אמר לעצמו, 'זה בסדר, אולי החבר הזה עדין לא מכיר אותי מספיק, אני בכל זאת אזמין אותו ליום הולדת שלי ואולי בשנה הבאה הוא יזמין אותי'. למרות הצער הגדול שהיה לי כאם, הרגשתי שהיה לי ביד כלי להתמודדות, לא הייתי חסרת אונים ויכולתי לעזור לו וגם לעצמי להתגבר. אני מודעת לזה שרכישת הכישורים החברתיים זה תהליך ואנחנו רואים שיפור כל הזמן".

    אדם היה לפני כשש שנים אחד המטופלים הראשונים של סילבר בארץ בשיטת הכרטיסיות והוא זוכר אותה עד היום לטובה. "אהבתי לצייר את המסרים על הכרטיסיות ,זה עזר ויזואלי שממחיש את המסר ושרה עד היום שומרת את הציורים שלי ומראה אותם בסדנאות. בעזרתם למדתי להשתלט על כל מיני מצבים ובסך הכל זה מאוד עזר לי מבחינה חברתית".

    למרות שהכרטיסיות מיועדות לעבודת הורים גם אנשי מקצוע יכולים להיעזר בהן ליצירת אקלים חברתי במסגרות בהן הם עובדים. לכרטיסיות מתלווה חוברת צביעה שמתאימה לילדי גן ומי שעובר את הסדנא מורשה לצלם אותם לשימוש פרטי. יקי מור הוא גנן ב""Kid's Gan, גן דו לשוני ברעננה. גם הוא עבר את הסדנא וכבר משתמש בה בעבודתו עם קבוצת בני ארבע-חמש שבגן.

    - איך אתה מיישם את השיטה בגן עם ילדים כל כך צעירים?

    "יש כמה דרכים שבהן אני עושה שימוש. האחת היא בזמן מפגש, אני בוחר כרטיסיה אחת עם סלוגן מסוים שאותו אני רוצה להעביר ואז בדרך כלל אנחנו מציגים את זה. נגיד שבחרנו את "אל תהיה הליצן" אז הגננת יכולה לעשות משהו מגוחך או מצחיק ואז אני אומר לה Don't be the clown! ואז היא אומרת :אבל למה לא? והילדים נותנים רעיונות, כי תסתבכי בצרות וכן הלאה. אחר כך אנחנו צובעים את הדף המתאים מתוך חוברת הצביעה. לפעמים אנחנו קודם צובעים ואז משוחחים, זה גמיש, אבל החלק החשוב זה שזה נותן לנו הזדמנות לשוחח על רגשות. כשאני שואל 'האם מצב כזה קרה למישהו'? מליון ידיים מורמות ואז אנחנו משוחחים ומסיקים מסקנות. דרך אחרת היא לתפוס את הדברים כשהם קורים בשטח ואז אני משתמש במסר המתאים או שהילדים בעצמם מנדבים את הסלוגן".

    - אין מצב שסלוגן "יאמץ" ילד ויצור סטיגמה כמו במקרה של הליצן שבחבורה?

    "זה יכול לקרות אבל פה כמובן תמיד המבוגר צריך לגלות ערנות ולשמש כמתווך. הסלוגן נוצר בשביל הליצנים והתפקיד שלנו הוא לעזור להם לצאת מזה, לא להתקבע לתוך התפקיד. בזמן הדיון אנחנו ממקדים את ההתנהגויות ומציעים פתרונות אחרים להתנהגות רצויה".

    - המסרים בכרטיסיות לא קשים להבנה לילדים כל כך צעירים?

    "יש מסרים שהם קצת מורכבים מידי אבל אני זורם עם הילדים כי זה גם מה שיפה בשיטה, היא פתוחה לדברים נוספים ולאינטרפרטציות. במקום הצד המגיב, למשל, אצלנו בגן קוראים לזה הילד העצבני והילד החושב. הילדים בוחרים את הדימויים שנוחים להם להבנה והעבודה היא חלק ממכלול של דברים שאנחנו עושים בגן בתחום של טיפול ברגשות ובהתנהגות". 

    פרטים נוספים באתרי האינטרנט:
    www.sarasilber.com
    www.parentcoachcards.com
    הכותבת היא עיתונאית, בעלת תואר בחינוך ועוסקת בתחום של ליקויי למידה.
    rivkonet@gmail.com





     
  • Coaching parents, coaching kids; [CITY LIGHTS Edition]

    Carol Novis. Jerusalem Post. Jerusalem: Jun 27, 2003. pg. 12

    Abstract (Document Summary)

    Suppose for example, little Yariv wants to play in the sandbox with Yonni, who is busy playing with Tami, and has no interest in including Yariv in the game. Most kids might get the idea that they aren't wanted from the fact that Yonni is pointedly ignoring them. But Yariv suffers from an attention deficit problem and just doesn't get it. He asks Yonni if he can play with him, and Yonni says "no." Yariv is bewildered and hurt.

    Former American SARA Silber, an educational psychologist and family and marriage therapist in Ra'anana, is now running a series of parent workshops presenting a special method to deal with exactly this sort of problem. The workshops are designed not just to help children with learning disabilities, but to benefit any child who has trouble dealing with the difficult daily challenges of peer pressure, jealousy, frustration and fears. "It's for everyone," she smiles. "Even I find the techniques useful."

    WORKSHOPS in English and Hebrew are for one session of 1 1/2 hours, to teach parents and professionals the coaching method. Sara is now planning follow-up workshops and workshops for teachers and guidance counsellors. The charge is NIS 59 for one parent, with a small additional charge for the second parent, and card/book sets, including a coloring book, can be purchased at cost for NIS 118. For more information, call 09-771 0354. E-mail: <sarasilber@yahoo.com>; website: <www.sarasilber.com>

    Full Text (1209   words)
    (Copyright 2003 The Jerusalem Post)

    PROFILE. A new method offers a way to provide social and emotional adjustment tools for children

    IN the old days, kids who acted up and misbehaved were labelled "naughty" and often as not, given a good clout on the bottom in the hopes of improving their behavior. Today, we recognize that many such children aren't intentionally misbehaving at all, but suffer from attention deficit disorders or learning disabilities that make it very difficult for them to behave in a way that others label "normal."

    What's more, many such children often have social as well as learning problems. They just don't attend to the kind of subtle clues, like facial expressions and body language, that show them how to act in particular situations.

    Suppose for example, little Yariv wants to play in the sandbox with Yonni, who is busy playing with Tami, and has no interest in including Yariv in the game. Most kids might get the idea that they aren't wanted from the fact that Yonni is pointedly ignoring them. But Yariv suffers from an attention deficit problem and just doesn't get it. He asks Yonni if he can play with him, and Yonni says "no." Yariv is bewildered and hurt.

    What can be done to teach appropriate behavior in such situations?

    Former American SARA Silber, an educational psychologist and family and marriage therapist in Ra'anana, is now running a series of parent workshops presenting a special method to deal with exactly this sort of problem. The workshops are designed not just to help children with learning disabilities, but to benefit any child who has trouble dealing with the difficult daily challenges of peer pressure, jealousy, frustration and fears. "It's for everyone," she smiles. "Even I find the techniques useful."

    Silber's interest in the method developed when she came across a book on the subject called The Parent Coach, by American psychologist Dr Steven Richfield. "I read it and felt it had a lot to say on the subject of parenting." A grant from a Canadian sponsor, Aaron Remer, to promote the project helped her get started.

    The method includes the book and a series of cards, bearing messages that the child is trained to say to himself in certain situations. Each one describes a situation, acknowledges the child's feeling in that situation, and suggests a way to deal with that situation.

    For example, one card reads "Step into your cantaloupe skin." This is what a child can tell himself in a situation where he knows he is going to feel weak and vulnerable. He can take off his "banana" skin, his vulnerable self in imagination, and put on emotional armor, like a "cantaloupe" skin. He can also tell himself that hard times are part of life; that he needs to remember times when he was successful at something. Given this preparation, he is likely to have an easier time dealing with the situation.

    Another card reads "Don't take the bait." This refers to a situation where someone wants to get the child upset. The message is "I have to be on the lookout so I don't get baited into behaving badly. I have to stop, and not let myself react."

    Other cards bear messages such as, "Find the brakes" (know when to stop); "Repair the tear" (say you're sorry); "Slow to success" (don't get discouraged); "Watch out for your hooks" (resist temptations.) There are 20 cards in all, and though they were originally in English, they now have bilingual messages.

    IN applying these messages, children are taught that they have a "thinking" side and a "reacting" side. Their reacting side might prompt them to consider, for example, in a difficult situation, "This looks too hard for me. I hate this kind of stuff." But they are also shown that their thinking side offers another way to deal with it: "I'll never know if I can do it unless I try."

    For younger children, the concept is made more concrete with hand puppets, which speak in different voices. One puppet might represent the reacting side: "Yonni doesn't want to play with me. I hate him." The thinking side puppet, on the other hand, would say "Not everyone can want to play with me all the time. Maybe he will tomorrow."

    Parents are deeply involved in teaching children to differentiate the voices. They are encouraged to talk about it, when the child is receptive and in a good mood, over four phases.

    In the first phase, the parent reads the card and talks about what's happened in her own life. For example, she might say, "I was in a terrible traffic jam today, and it made me angry. My reacting side wanted to yell, but my thinking side told me not to take the bait."

    The idea is that the parent will serve as a model.

    In the second phase, the child is encouraged to coach the parent. He might offer ideas on what card to use in a particular situation. For example, a father might be watching TV, and his son reminds him that he promised to help him with a school project. "The card says 'watch out for your hooks! '" Of course, the parent has to be prepared to accept coaching!

    Says Sara, "We want them to laugh and have fun."

    The third phase concerns a future situation that may be problematic and for which the child should be on the alert and be mentally prepared. Such a situation might be: "Yonni may be in the playground today. He can be mean. Zip up your cantaloupe skin."

    And finally, the fourth phase helps the child analyze and deal with a problematic situation after it has occurred, by recognizing the trap and discussing how it can be dealt with in future.

    ONE big advantage of this method is that it is positive rather than negative.

    "People traditionally teach social skills by waiting until something negative happens, and then criticizing," says Sara. "But what happens is that the child feels angry and badly about himself. He doesn't want to hear about it. In this method, you anticipate where the traps are, and because you're not negatively loading the kid, he is more willing to hear.

    "The parent is a coach, not a control."

    Some parents feel that they shouldn't show emotional weaknesses, and should present themselves as being in control, but Sara feels that this does a disservice to the child. "It's fine for parents to show emotional expression. It gives the child the confidence to feel OK with their own weaknesses.

    WORKSHOPS in English and Hebrew are for one session of 1 1/2 hours, to teach parents and professionals the coaching method. Sara is now planning follow-up workshops and workshops for teachers and guidance counsellors. The charge is NIS 59 for one parent, with a small additional charge for the second parent, and card/book sets, including a coloring book, can be purchased at cost for NIS 118. For more information, call 09-771 0354. E-mail: <sarasilber@yahoo.com>; website: <www.sarasilber.com>

    Another useful site is <www.parentcoachcards.com>, which is the site of Dr Steven Richfield, the originator of the system.

    [Illustration]
    2 drawings; photo; Caption: Sara Silber uses hand puppets to teach parents coaching skills. Cards help children deal with frustrating situations.

    Google News, April 2005





     
  • The Parent Coach

    EDUCATION

    A new approach to parenting

    Sara Silber

    How do we develop our children's social and emotional skills in coping with challenges of everyday life? How can we help them learn the important messages of self-control, perseverance, flexibility, cooperation, keeping boundaries, expressing appreciation and being attentive when spoken to? How do we teach our kids how to face the difficult challenges of peer pressure, provocation, jealousy, frustration and fears?

    Dr. Steven Richfield, an American child psychologist, has developed a new parent training model, one that asks parents to switch from parent cop to Parent Coach. His resulting parenting program has received extensive national and international attention. In the program, the parent learns how to be proactive in helping the child develop self-talk coping skills that the child will, in time, learn to use by himself when faced with difficult situations.

    Most of us react to our children's misbehaviors and mistakes, giving criticism, sometimes yelling, and dishing out punishment. We feel badly about it then, but hope that the child will thereby learn from his mistakes. The problem however, is that the child is then so involved with his hurt pride and anger at the excited parent that he is not really open to absorbing the lesson you may be trying to teach him. In addition, even if he is learning what he should not have done, he is not really learning what he should have done. The child-parent relationship becomes strained and the child may view his excited and angry parent as being against him rather than on his side. Children resist being instruments of control or criticism and will resist lessons being taught when in that frame of mind.

     

    In the Parent Coach model the parent helps the child anticipate common problems, avoid hazardous situations and develop and practice the skills necessary to meet and beat challenges. The focus is not on the child's mistakes but on life skills that are needed to be learned by all the family. The child sees the parent as an ally, not an adversary. In fact the parent even asks for coaching tips from the child. All are in it together.

    The program uses a tool called Parent Coaching Cards which contain 20 important illustrated messages. These messages are relayed and discussed with the child when there is a calm atmosphere between parent and child. The parent talks about his own experiences in the situations depicted and the family develops a language with catch phrases that remind and prompt children how to act in certain situations. For example, phrases such as 'quit the clowning', 'quick recovery', 'don't take the bait' and 'beat the fear' will, in the end, be enough to coach the youngster successfully through tough situations.

    The approach is suitable for all children aged four onwards (teens too) and is especially helpful for children with attention or learning problems. Adults find it helpful for themselves as well - I use the technique myself!

    When parents talk naturally, in a peaceful milieu, about the best ways to cope with probable future challenges, about their own tough times and model the program's self talk messages themselves at home in front of their children, the messages then become internalized by the children. This internalization translates into more mature social and emotional behavior and your kids will come back for more.

    Sara Silber is an educational psychologist and family and marriage therapist.





     
  • Bioresonace Therapy
    Bioresonance Therapy - An Effective Technique
    General Health and Attention Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Aspects

    Sara B. Silber
    reprinted from ESRA (English-speaking Residents Association) magazine issue 108, February/March 2001

    Sara Silber went to Ramat Hasharon to interview Liora Epstein, Bioresonance Therapist, about this little known, but effective treatment. Silber combined her personal successful experience with the technique, her research on the subject and her interview with Epstein to get a good working knowledge of it for this article.

    If you suffer from a health problem, Bioresonance Therapy (henceforth called BT) may be the treatment you've been looking for. Recharging your body's batteries is the best analogy I can find to describe it. It is a computerized biophysical system of medicine using the Bicom machine. In Germany about one in seventy doctors use it as part of their regular practice and it is also used widely in Sweden, England, Switzerland and Austria.  Doctors who use it are very enthusiastic about its effectiveness. It represents a new era in electromagnetic treatment. Applied by NASA in American manned spacecraft, this method can maintain and support health and life functions and restore health in cases of illness.

    Among the many indications it is best used in cases of stress-related illnesses, allergies, viruses, lack of concentration, headaches, migraine, weather front disturbance, parasites, vegetative complaints, rheumatic pain, infections and circulatory difficulties. It is unique for psychic problems like depression and sleeping disorders. The therapy is also useful for detoxification of the body.

    Our bodies have electrical conductivity through which cell transmissions must navigate in order to communicate instructions that promote necessary bodily processes and well-being. Cells transmit these wave-like vibrations in addition to biochemical signals that may be sent. Every item on earth has its specific frequency of vibration and when interacting with the body, that frequency can enhance or interfere with the body's normal conductivity.

    Prot. Cyril Smith of Salford University, UK, has demonstrated that allergic subjects may develop allergic symptoms not only to the presence of a sealed allergen in a glass tube but also to the frequency transmissions of the same allergen generated by means of an electronic resonator. It is evident that it is the physical vibrational properties of matter, rather than their chemical properties, that trigger the allergic response.

    Allergens, environmental pollution, toxins, physical stress and mental stress all cause changes in our body's electrical conductivity and hence reduce the ability of our body to function optimally. It is accepted that stress (chemical, physical and mental) overextends the endocrine system, the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis in particular, and weakens the immune system. People with compromised immune systems tend to develop chronic health problems such as abnormal tiredness, food intolerances and allergic reactions. Prolonged exposure to stress may lead to degenerative disease. Conventional medicine is often merely palliative in the treatment of chronic disease.

    The Bioresonance Therapist first analyses which substances are having a negative influence on the patient's conductivity. In the examination the patient, who is seated and fully clothed, holds metal bars which are attached to the Bicom machine which is connected to the computer. The frequencies of many substances are sent into the patient and the meter on the Bicom shows their effect on him. The patient feels nothing but can observe the meter along with the therapist. More than 20,000 substances can be tested! The culprits responsible for the patient's abnormal conductivity are identified. The therapist can then neutralize the effects of the negative substances by 'jamming' their frequencies, much like an enemy's radio waves can be jammed during wartime. This is done by passing back to the patient phase-inverted vibrations which are mirror images of the frequencies of the negative substances.

     The therapist also strengthens the patient's own healthy vibrations in treatment. The internal milieu of the body is rehabilitated as if a polluted and clogged river were cleaned up and now the clear stream can move along its natural path and nourish life. This is an oversimplification of the therapy, of course, but the best I can offer within the scope of this article.  I will now address the issue of bioresonance treatment  and attention deficit disorder.

    Bioresonance and Attention Deficit Disorder

    Children with ADHD often have a disturbed internal "milieu' causing some of their symptoms. Food sensitivities and allergies are both a result of this disturbance and a possible cause of some symptoms such as inattention and hyperactivity.  It has long been observed that children with attention and behavioural problems have a sweet tooth. The basis for this, says Epstein, is the probable presence of sugar-craving parasites in the child's system. Often these parasites will not show up in a lab test as they may be existing in the inner folds of the' intestine. These same parasites will sometimes cause toileting problems and the child may become averse to going to the bathroom. The BR therapist will determine the existence of parasites within the body and if they are present, she will have the machine pass onto the patient the frequencies that will cause the environment to be disfavourable to the parasites. This will decrease their numbers and their negative impact on the child's system. Rebalancing and cleansing the child's system is the first step towards health.

    Hyperactivity, impulsivity and concentration problems are often allergic reactions to an unidentified substance and the therapist will test for food and chemical allergens as described previously. The frequencies of 20,000 substances will be tested including many foods, additives, medicines, cleaning agents, sprays used in the environment, chemicals used in toys and dolls' hair, animals, bacteria and viruses, radiation from TV and computer, pollens, dust, toxic metals and more. The machine's meter displays the child's inner reactions to all of the above and the abnormal reactions are indicated. Depending on what the allergen is the child will either need to avoid or limit his exposure to it or alternatively, the machine can neutralise the effect of the allergen on the child's system so that it will no longer create havoc.

    Epstein has found that all the ADHD children referred to her reacted negatively to one or another substance and that once it was eliminated as a factor, the child's concentration improved significantly, according to both the child's and the parents' reports.

    The therapist will then proceed to test the frequencies of important endocrine substances on the child's system and will determine if there is a deficiency in any of these by the reading on the meter. (If a child is deficient in an important endocrine chemical then his/her conductivity will improve as a result of introducing it into the system. If the child is not deficient. then it should not have an effect). We know that ADHD children have a chemical imbalance in the frontal lobe of the brain. If this deficiency is identified and replenished, then the neuro-transmitters can function optimally and the messages of control of attention and behavior can be received by the neurons involved. The child can then exercise control over these functions.

    The most common way today of replenishing the dopamine chemical deficiency in ADHD children is through Ritalin medication. Using the Bicom, the frequencies of the required deficient endocrine substances can be passed onto the child through the machine, and the required positive changes can be implemented, without the possible side effects that some children have from Ritalin medication. This is great news for parents and kids who are reluctant to use stimulant medication.  If a child needs to continue on Ritalin for a while, until the BR therapy kicks in and while he has negative effects from the Ritalin, these can be neutralised by the Bicom.

    Lastly, various homeopathic remedies can be tested on the child, such as Bach Flowers, vitamins and minerals, to see if these have a positive effect on the child’s conductivity. A personalized water “cocktail” can be made from the frequencies of newly identified beneficial substances and by drinking this the child is taking in the frequencies he/she needs for his well-being.

    I left my interview with Leora Epstein exhilarated about the potential of Bioresonance Therapy and its endless possibilities for enhancing health. How much new hope and help we can now offer so many sufferers. While my focus here was on ADHD kids,  the Bicom’s benefits for many health-related problems for children and adults are just mind-boggling. Logical, scientific, neat, painless and short- term (four sessions on the average)- what more could one possibly hope for in a treatment?

    In the future we can foresee that people will have in their homes their own Bicom machines with computerised frequencies of their personal health-care programs. You will be able to hook yourself up and recharge yourself back to health as needed. The Bicom has catapulted us into a new era of health-care. It has yet to be recognised by the medical establishment. Research studies still need to be done so that BT will gain scientific legitimacy. Drug companies are not funding Bicom research because there is no potential marketable drug to result from the research.

    For the many people now suffering from a myriad of problems, benefits can already be gained which can change their lives and they need not wait. I myself would not hesitate to consult and be treated by a Bioresonace Therapist. In fact, it was my own cure of a persistent ear-nose –throat problem through BT that led me to inquire about its possible application to the many ADHD children whom I see in my clinical practice.

    As a practitioner knowing all I now know of this therapy, I would incorporate BT testing and treatment as step one in the treatment plan of ADHD children. Other needed interventions such as counseling for parents, educational interventions, behaviour modification techniques and sensory processing exercises all have their parts to play as well. This will be dependent on the case, but first, get the internal biophysical milieu of the child in order so that he/she will have the biological, chemical, and physical basis to thrive as he/she  was meant to.

     For a comprehensive overview of bioresonance please see this website: liora-brc.com  Clinic address is Hachavatzelet 17/7, Kiryat Ono. Director: Liora Epstein. Therapist: Moran Even. Clinic tel: 03-7360887 emails: liora@liora-brc.com    or  talmoran.even@gmail.com

    This is one of a continuing series of ESRA articles of ADHD that is one,of  Silber's areas of expertise. Her other articles in the series appear in ESRA issues 81,83,84,85,89,91 and 101. She welcomes comments, and ideas for future articles in this series.

    Sara Silber is an American and Israeli-trained Educational Psychologist Specialist and a Certified Family & Marriage Therapist. She works extensively with ADHD children and their families. Sara and her own children and grandchildren have undergone bioresonance treatment at the above center and  successfully solved allergy and other problems. Sara occasionally  refers some of her clients to bioresonance therapy and this treatment, in conjunction with her comprehensive treatment, has proved to be  a productive combination of efforts in helping many children. Sara Silber has a private practice in Raanana, known as the Sara Silber Psychological-Educational Clinic.

    clinic website: www.israelpsychology.com          clinic tel: 09-7710354

    clinic address: Motzkin 23, Raanana    clinic email: sarasilber@yahoo.com

    Esra Magazine, Issue 115 and Google News, July 14, 2005





     
  • Israel Psychologist: Neurofeedback, An Alternative Therapy for Attention-Deficit Disorder
    By Israel News Agency Staff

    Sara Silber, an educational psychologist in Israel, a specialist in family and marriage and serves as a court appointed therapist in divorce mediation, says secure control of your brain wave state and you can then control your mood, concentration, and state of consciousness.

    Silber visited the Galim Institute in Ramat Gan, Israel, and spoke to Yael Langford, founder and director of the institute. Here is how neurofeedback works and how you can use it for yourself and your children.

    Attention Deficit Disorder, (ADD), affects 7-12% of the population in both the US and in Israel and is usually recognized and diagnosed by age 7. With or without hyperactivity, it will affect many areas of functioning, including school performance, social skills, emotional development, marriage stability, family responsibility, and work performance.

    Much research attests to the disorder having a neurological basis in the form of a biochemical imbalance which affects how the brain transmits and receives important messages from its 'neurotransmitters. Many cases have a genetic component with either a parent or a sibling also sharing the disorder.

    The disorder, which can been seen among hundreds of children in Israel, can also appear as a result of difficulties during birth such as lack of oxygen. ADD adults and children are characterized as having a short attention span, difficulty completing a task that demands sustained attention, difficulty following directions, forgetfulness, disorganization and poor motivation for tasks deemed "boring" or irrelevant.

    In the last 30 years it has been shown that when a person learns to monitor the pattern of his brain waves, as he can in neurofeedback training, he can improve his ability to focus and complete the task at hand. Neurological functioning will become normalized, learning ability will be enhanced and reactions to sensory input will become more efficient. It has been found that people with ADD have different brain wave patterns from other people.

    To understand this let us first have a general understanding of brain waves. Don't panic - you don't have to be a neurologist to understand this simplified explanation. Different activities that we do coincide with different brain wave activity. They reflect different levels of demanded concentration and consciousness. Brain waves are measured in herzes which is a quantification of the electrical charges emitted by the brain. These can be displayed by an EEG test in Israel.

    The slowest waves are delta waves which occur when we are in deep sleep. Right before we fall asleep, in the transition period before actually falling asleep, theta waves predominate. These should occur for only a few minutes a day and are related to imaginative and creative processes and to our subconscious.

    The next level of activity is alpha waves which occur during relaxed wakefulness when the brain is not engaged in any specific mental or emotional activity. They can be present when mental activity is habitual and required concentration is minimal and can be achieved when eyes are closed.

    Moving up, we get to beta waves which are emitted when we are alert and doing concentrated mental activity. These are the waves that correspond to school learning and performance. They are also present when we are anxious and apprehensive. ADD people have a higher predominance of theta waves than they should have - they are walking around a large part of the day in a pre-sleep wave state. Alongside this they have a much lower activity of beta waves, just those that are needed for concentrated school learning.

    Some medical research in the US, Europe and in Israel has found as much as a 30% imbalance. Brain waves are moods. A person can change his mood by controlling his brainwaves. You can learn what each wave feels like and consciously bring it about. In the ADD person the goal would be to bring about a higher frequency of beta waves and lessen the frequency of the theta waves.

    In biofeedback therapy, which is administrated in Israel, the person is hooked up to body monitors and to a computer and he sees in a visual display on the screen how different things that he does, such as slow breathing or visual imaging, affect various parameters of his body, such as his pulse and body temperature. Neurofeedback is a form of biofeedback where we are looking particularly at how his actions affect his brain wave pattern. Anything that can be brought to my awareness can be changed if I have an instrument telling me if I am succeeding or not. In an actual session the child sits at a monitor with a sensor on his scalp; this is painless and noninvasive. His task is defined as a computer game.

    The therapist has previously analyzed his typical brain wave pattern in the diagnostic session. The child may be given the game of pushing fish in a maze on the screen. This task necessitates the use of the desired beta waves, our goal. The computer is programmed by the therapist beforehand so that whenever the child's brain achieves the desired waves that normally elude him, the fish will move forward while gobbling black dots and beeping. (the feedback to the child). The therapist gives him cues which will help him - perhaps he has to stop moving a nervous hand or stop humming.

    Soon the child is able to control the fish at will by recognizing the way it feels when it moves and gobbles. While he is succeeding with the game, the child's brain is growing more stable. Positive changes will be seen after the first few meetings and will be reinforced over time but in order to become permanent at least 30 sessions will be needed. After all, the brain has to learn new behavior.

    A change in the EEG will be seen when permanent change has been effected. Some experts believe that regular brain-wave training improves blood flow to particular brain regions, fostering stronger connections between cells.

    Treatment in Israel is not cheap and can cost 385 shekels per session (75 USD). Parents should note that there is only a small amount of research on the technique which is why some experts dismiss the treatment Proponents in Israel and abroad counter that since neurofeedback carries no risks and has been used successfully by thousands of people, there is no reason to suppress it until costly clinical trials can be performed. Practitioners claim an 80% success rate after screening initial candidates.

    For the purpose of this article the writer spoke to two parents who had had their children treated by neurofeedback, one at Galim Institute in Israel and one at an institute in the US. Both parents were very pleased with the results in which they saw significantly improved school performance and decreased impulsive behavior. They recommended the treatment if the child and parents were able to persevere. In the view of this writer, neurofeedback shows much promise in helping the ADD child with a major obstacle and should certainly be considered as an approach to treatment in those children who show high motivation to help themselves and who will persist with the many treatment sessions.

    This therapy should then be undertaken in conjunction with other aspects of a complete treatment plan outlined by the child's educational psychologist. In my experience in both New York and here in Raanana and Tel Aviv, Israel with ADD children, the more encompassing the approach the more effective the total management of the ADHD problem. Neurofeedback can greatly help the attention issue and reduce the need for medication for focusing and learning.

    The ADD problem, however, also needs to address family issues and the school environment. The total treatment plan will need to consider other aspects that may be responsible for the attention difficulties such as undiagnosed hidden allergy and sensory-sensitivities. Guidance will need to be given to parents and teachers as well as individual sessions with the child to see where he specifically wants help and to address his individual concerns. ADD is a multidimensional problem which requires a few tracks of help operating simultaneously.

    A study which was published in 2003 in the Journal of Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback, a respectable journal, and the scientist was T. Fuchs et al. It says that results from this study indicate that both stimulant medication treatment and neurofeedback treatment resulted in statistically significant and clinically meaningful improvement in children with ADHD. These gains were evident on laboratory assessments of attention and on behavior ratings from parents and teachers. The improvement reported by teachers is especially noteworthy because teachers - unlike parents - were not aware of which treatment children had received. Overall, the benefits obtained by children receiving each treatment appeared to be comparable. This study adds to a growing body of literature supporting the efficacy of neurofeedback as a treatment for ADHD. Results from this study suggest that neurofeedback can be an effective treatment on its own.

    No one recommendation will cover all the aspects of the difficulty; that is why parents find it so difficult to tackle the problem and get exhausted in the process. It is heartening that another approach can offer so much help to ADHD children and adults. Choices, of course, also make the decision harder as to which therapy to try first. Your professional advisor will help you determine your priorities in the total treatment plan. Understanding neurofeedback and maximizing its benefits will require years of research but the future looks bright.

    Sara Silber has dealt with many ADHD children and their families in her Raanana Israel family psychology clinic, since 1981. Her practice in psychology, family therapy counseling and therapy has led her to search out alternative methods for dealing with the disorder and she has interviewed many practitioners in her research for the ideal treatment modality.
    In her clinic parents are informed of various ways of approaching the problem, alongside being given her expertise on the facets that she herself deals with - behavior modification techniques, classroom modifications, sensory sensitivities, parental guidance, and family and individual counseling. Silber unique, total treatment psychological approach has brought light, success, and hope to many born-again children in Israel.





     
  • Biofeedback Article​

    Biofeedback Used to Help Hyperactive Children
    ESRA Magazine #91, June 1997

    Sara Silber, ESRA's Educational Consultant, continues this series of articles on Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder - a prevalent condition of many children which is widely recognized and researched.

    Her other articles in the series,” Symptoms of ADHD, not within the Child’s Control”,” Helping the ADHD Child” and “Aid with an Aide for ADHD Children”, appeared in ESRA issues 83, 85, and 89 respectively. ­

         Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder Seminar, held in Haifa University School of Social Work, featured professionals from the fields of neurology, psychology, and biofeedback, each of who presented his approach in the treatment of ADHD. Pediatric Neurologist, Dr. Yaacov Sokol, stressed the importance of the accurate diagnosis of ADHD as the common symptoms of the disorder - ­impulsivity, hyperactivity and attention deficits can be mimicked by other disorders. Depression, for instance, can cause symptoms of inattention and inability to focus and complete tasks. Sleep Disorders can cause fatigue which would result as well in the inability to concentrate and perform as expected. Frustration resulting from a stressful family environment can lead to symptoms of impulsivity and restlessness which could be mistaken for ADHD hyperactivity. Accurate diagnosis is therefore the first step in formulating a proper treatment plan. Psychological and social worker assessments will assist the neurologist in making these differentiations.

         Prescribing medication for the impulsivity and hyperactivity in ADHD children is a crucial element in the management of the disorder but it is not the total plan. The psychologist will need to guide the parents on home management techniques including behavior modification programs. Teachers will need to be given guidance on how to optimize the child's learning environment. The multi-track approach to helping ADHD children was stressed by all the experts.

    Sara Silber, educational psychologist specialist and certified family and marriage therapist, spoke of treatment aspects within the school system. Her case study presentation demonstrated the overlap of the many necessary interventions required. These included: I) activating the municipal social worker to intercede with the Ministry of Education to obtain a subsidy for individual help for the child within the regular classroom. 2) instruction to the teacher on use of time-out technique in the classroom, an isolating strategy used to decrease the frequency of aggressive behaviors. 3) giving instruction to parents and teachers on the use of charts and a system of consistent concrete rewards and punishments to manage behavior.  4)meeting with all the childcare helpers at one time in the child's home so that there would be clear and consistent reactions to his behaviors which would help him internalize family rules. 5) monitoring the results of different dosages of medication through use of teacher rating forms. 6) overseeing the implementation of necessary accommodations in the classroom in order to ease the child's stress, adjust expectations and demands upon him, and utilize his strengths and interests in learning.

    The designated role of the case manager to one of the professionals involved in the treatment plan is crucial to its success as there are many elements that need to be integrated and followed up. One person has to have the responsibility of pulling it all together; monitoring the implementation of recommendations and decisions and coordinating all of the treatment efforts. Revisions and periodic re-evaluation of progress and needs are essential. Unfortunately, the system does not usually designate this role even though it should naturally be assumed by the municipal school psychologist. If it is not assigned nor acted upon, the parents of the ADHD child would be wise to hire the professional services of a private psychologist to act on the child's behalf.

     Key elements to classroom success were relayed but are beyond the scope of this article. Suffice it to say that there are so many accommodations that can  be tried by the teacher to help the ADHD child and all of the professionals present were urged to encourage the child's teachers to be flexible, creative, and accommodating.

      An interesting and new angle to the treatment plan of ADHD children was presented by Jason Alster, biofeedback expert. Alster is formerly from the USA where he worked at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center and NYU Medical Center on research projects on nerve conduction, EEG technology, and sleep disorders. In Israel he works at two Kupat Cholim Maccabi Alternative Medicine Clinics in Ramat Aviv Gimmel and Netanya as well as at his private Clinic for Biofeedback, Psychophysiology and Self-Control.

      Alster has integrated different technologies in studying and helping children with ADHD. The approach he has developed and which I will describe is 5 years old. Essentially, biofeedback (BFB) is a way to train the body to alter biological functions using correcting signals. The child sits in front of the monitor, which looks similar to a video screen, to which he is hooked up with painless wires. Some of the wires are attached to electrodes which are stuck onto the child's scalp and which monitor his brain waves. The brain waves appear as visual signals, such as colored bars, on the screen. When the child daydreams some waves swell and the gold bar will shoot skyward. As attention is focused, other waves surge. BFB shows exactly what is happening in the brain at that precise moment.

        By observing his brain waves fluctuate on the monitor in reaction to various directives given by the instructor, the child learns to monitor his inner processes. He can then alter his state of mind which will alter his brain waves which in turn will affect his levels of arousal. It is known that the human mind can transform ideas and expectations into a biochemical reality. There is a strong interconnection between mind and body which, when used properly, can effect a positive change in one's health. Most people mistakenly think that they have no control over what happens inside their bodies and when they are shown that this is not true they exhibit a measure of control and derive encouragement.

      Try this simple exercise: sit comfortably, hold a thermometer, and measure your hand temperature. That is your baseline temperature. Now, shut your eyes and breathe deeply for four minutes. Think of something pleasurable that happened to you that made you feel very good at the time. Recall the memory vividly and as realistically as you can and immerse yourself into the experience, reliving it anew. You might exclaim aloud or laugh from joy. Now look at the thermometer - you have probably raised your hand temp. by some 2-5 degrees in this process.

      In BFB, the trainer hooks up the hyperactive child to physiological indicators which measure physiological stress. These indicators measure finger temp., muscle tension, sweating and brain waves. In a study done jointly by Alster and Sokol it has been shown that ADHD children have a chronically Iow level physiological stress. Their systems are hyper even if they seem to be sitting still momentarily. This chronic physiological stress will wear down, with time, the body's defenses and immune system. Some studies have pointed out the high incidence of ear, nose and throat problems, allergies, respiratory problems and sleep disorders among ADHD children. It is, therefore, important to teach ADHD kids how to relax their systems. Through visual and auditory feedback the children quickly learn how to initiate certain brain waves and other physiological parameters like GSR, CMG and temperature which equal specific physiological states.

         The children cooperate willingly and love the exercises. They are thrilled to see their body reacting visually on the monitor to their every thought and feeling. The treatment is not only painless, it is fun.          

    Alster combines other elements into the BFB program to make it stronger, hasten results and shorten the number of sessions needed to complete the program to about 12. With the aid of supplementary techniques such as art therapy, dietary guidance, muscle relaxation, yoga and guided imagery techniques, Alster's Multi-Modality Holistic Biofeedback Treatment Plan is a powerful program effective in building the hyperactive child's ability to control his own behavior. In the US similar protocols called for 40 sessions of training when EEG was used alone without the addition of the supplementary techniques cited above. For many ADHD children, BFB has additionally helped them improve their concentration, better their school adjustment and experience less moodiness.

     BFB has been used in the past to help people with stress management, test phobias, social phobias and other anxiety disorders. It has also been used to alleviate symptoms of asthma, respiratory disorders, headaches, insomnia, high blood pressure and bed-wetting. Its use now to help hyperactive children is innovative. Sometimes BFB and medication are used simultaneously in treatment and sometimes BFB used alone can be sufficient to help the child be less active for periods of time. Relaxation techniques will lessen the child's anxiety. Medication dosage and psychotherapy sessions can be decreased if the child learns these techniques. The method gives tools for self-management even after the program has been completed.

     Members of Maccabi Health Insurance Plan can now receive subsidized biofeedback sessions in Maccabi alternative medicine treatment centers in Ramat Aviv Gimmel 03-6424032, and Netanya 09-8845579. Members can call and make an appointment. The clinics will subsidize 8-10 sessions and bring down the cost by 50%.

     The heightened awareness, increased knowledge and research into new treatment modalities offer more hope to parents and children with ADHD. As more of this continues we can be optimistic that they will have a brighter future.

    Sara Silber, educational psychologist specialist and certified family& marriage therapist, works extensively with ADHD children and their families. She welcomes comments and ideas for future segments in this series.

    Clinic tel: 09-7710354, Fax: 09-7741175.
    Google News, April 2005





     
  • Parent Psychology Therapy Cards for Mothers, Fathers, Children In Israel
    By Joel Leyden
    Israel News Agency


    Tel Aviv----April 13...... Dr. Steven Richfield, an American child psychologist, has developed a new "parent training model", one that asks parents to switch from "Parent Cop" to "Parent Coach." His resulting parenting program has received extensive national and international attention and is now being practiced in Israel by Sara Silber, a child psychologist based in Ra'anana, Israel.

    In the family advice program, both mothers and fathers in Israel learn how to be proactive in helping the child develop self-talk coping skills that the child will, in time, learn to use by himself when faced with emotional or behavioral "traps".

    In traditional parenting and child education, most of us tend to react to our children's misbehaviors and mistakes by giving criticism, sometimes yelling, and dishing out punishment. Mothers and fathers feel badly about it then, but hope that the child will thereby learn from his mistakes. The problem there, however, is that the child then is so involved with his hurt pride and anger at the excited parent, that he is not really open to absorbing the lesson you may be trying to teach him. In addition, even if the child is learning what they should not have done they are not really learning what they should have done.

    The child parent relationship becomes strained and the child may view his excited and angry parent as against him rather than on his side. Children resist being instruments of control or criticism and will resist lessons being taught when in that frame of mind. In the Parent Coach model parents help the child anticipate common problems, avoid hazardous situations, and develop and practice the skills necessary to meet and beat challenges. The focus is not on the child's mistakes but on life skills that are needed to be learned by all the family. The child sees the parent as an ally, not an adversary. In fact, the parent even asks for coaching tips from the child. All are in it together.

    The program, which was also designed for educators, child psychology clinics, schools, social workers, child welfare department workers, guidance counselors, speech, drama, and art therapists, kindergartens, grade schools, and university professionals in Israel, uses a tool called Parent Teacher Coaching Cards, which contain 20 illustrated child psychology messages.

    This professional advice is relayed and discussed with the child when there is a calm atmosphere between the parent and child. One child therapy message for example is "Step Into Your Cantaloupe Skin" and it's point is to give the child sturdiness when he is feeling vulnerable, to help him armor himself emotionally when he knows he is entering into an area where he will feel weak. Maybe he will be taking an exam on a subject where he feels dumb or he will be going to a party where he knows a bully will torment him. The message teaches the child to say to himself in such a situation, "I can't expect success all the time. Hard times are a part of everyone's life. I must remember that although I feel bad when things don't work out, I am not a bad person. I do plenty of things just fine and people notice my strengths. I need to remember my successes right now, the pride I can feel and all the good things others believe about me. I can use this pride and grow a thicker "cantaloupe skin" (as opposed to having a thin banana skin) to prepare for what's coming. My "thinking side" will help me do this."

    In implementing the technique the parent talks about his own daily frustrations and when he himself needed to don the cantaloupe skin in order to handle himself successfully, and the child learns the self-talk messages with the help of parental modeling.

    In Israel, where children are under a high level of daily stress due to terrorism, war, and trauma, the need for emotional tools is even more pronounced. Children who hear about terror attacks in Israel need a way to bounce back to normal life in order to maintain basic sanity.

    The card "Quick Recovery" can be one of a few psychology tools to help children recover from stress. Likewise, children in stressful life situations such as divorce, death of a family member, relocation, serving in Israel Defense Forces, immigration adjustments, needing to learn a new language, can all benefit from this child psychology program. With the parents comfortably talking about their own experiences in the situations depicted, the family develops a language with catch-phrases that remind and prompt children how to act. Phrases such as "quit the clowning", "quick recovery", "don't take the bait", and "beat the fear" will, in the end, be enough to coach the youngster successfully through tough situations.

    This child psychology therapy approach is suitable for all Israel children, (ages 4 onwards), teens too, and is especially helpful for children with attention or learning problems. Adults find it helpful for themselves as well, as I know that I use the technique myself. When parents in Israel talk naturally, in a peaceful milieu, about the best ways to cope with probable future challenges, talk about their own tough times, and model the program's self-talk messages themselves, at home, in front of their children, the messages then become internalized by children. This internalization translates into more mature social and emotional behavior and your kids will come back for more.

    The Parent Coaching Cards have been reviewed by the Jerusalem Post and several Israel magazines.
    The Sara Silber Israel Child Psychology Clinic in Raanana offers workshops, seminars, and lectures on the subject to mothers, fathers, psychologists, therapists, social workers, kindergarten, gans and grade school teachers, art, speech, and drama therapists, at her clinic and throughout Israel. Sara Silber, Educational Psychologist Specialist, certified family and marriage therapist, and Israel Court approved divorce dispute mediator was trained in Israel and in the United States. Silber is bilingual, specializes in ADHD, sensory sensitivities, learning and emotional problems, and uses a wide array of therapeutic tools including play therapy. She is the exclusive authorized trainer in Israel for Dr. Steven Richfield's Parent-Coach approach, having received permission from him to bring it to Israel after she used it successfully with her child patients in her private practice. Sara Silber offers clinics and workshops to parents on the coaching cards, in English and in Hebrew, in her Raanana clinic and in schools across Israel.





     
  • Israel Parental Alert : Children and Gaza Disengagement
    By Sara Silber M.Sc.Ed
    Israel News Agency 

    Jerusalem----August 15......With the disengagement in Gaza and Israel being implemented this week parents need to be alerted to the psychological dangers that are present in every household in Israel and be advised as to what actions they can take to help their children through this stressful and traumatic national time.

    You, as adults who want to be most informed, may have the radio on for a large part of the day and / or be watching lots of news on Israel television. Children should not be exposed to this vast amount of distressing visual imagery which may include police, Israel Defense Forces and right wing extremists beatings, Jews rough-handling Jews, verbal abuse, cages for confinement, and holocaust prison costumes.

    These images can cause trauma and result in children having nightmares, becoming irritable, aggressive, and generally frightened. So for one thing, do your Gaza disengagement television news watching when the kids are out of the room and use headphones, if possible. 
    Do not keep the radio on all the time as general background noise.

    Parents need to talk to children about what is going on at a level they can understand.
    Parents also need to be available to answer children's' questions, even difficult ones which we find hard to answer even for ourselves. Children can understand that groups of people can have very strongly opposing opinions about what is best for Israel. Here are some possible explanations you can offer. Whether you believe in disengagement or not, you can explain to your children that the Israel government, headed by Prime Minister Sharon, believes and has voted in an open and free democracy that evacuating Gaza and all the Jews from there and giving the land to the Palestinians will bring better hopes for peace and save lives in the long term.

    There are a million and a half Arabs there that are draining national resources and the IDF to keep them under control. While Israel is in charge of them we have to provide for their welfare, schools, jobs, hospitals, sanitation, etc. and it is a burden on the country, on our very basic resources needed to survive. We have thousands of missiles to think of pointing at us from Syria and Iran. A much greater threat to our very existence. The Israel government hopes that by giving the Palestinians Gaza, on which they can make their own country, that they will develop themselves, be happy, replace terrorism with commerce and leave Israel in peace.

    Other groups believe very strongly the opposite - that giving the land to the Palestinians will make the situation much worse in that the evacuation or disengagement will seriously endanger Israel by Gaza becoming a greater terror nest, thereby increasing terrorism.

    You can tell school age children that the people that oppose the government believe that G-d has given us this land to possess, as it is within Biblical borders, and that only he has the authority to give it away, not a flesh and blood Prime Minister or democratically elected government. This opposing group strongly believes that it is against our religion, against our G-d, against our heritage, and against our national security to evict Jews from their homes in the Jewish homeland and to give the land away to the Arabs.

    In their intensely strong commitment to our land and to G-d they are resisting the pullout from Gaza and parts of the West Bank with all their heart and soul, in massive demonstrations, in non-aggressive ways, and by refusing to leave the area in order to prevent the forced evacuation from happening. They believe that they are saving the country from a disaster which must be prevented and are willing to get arrested and even get hurt if that is what it takes to prevent it.


    Honor and respect your children. 
    Do not allow TV news or involvement in protests.

    The above explanations - the extent of it and the vocabulary - should be adjusted to the age and language level of your children. It is usually best to start by giving a little bit of general information about the disengagement process from Gaza and then ask the child if they have questions and then give more information according to the level of his inquiry.

    You can ask children afterwards to tell you what they understood from what you told them. As parents, we do not have to know all of the answers but need to allow our kids voice their anxieties, be good listeners, and provide whatever reassurance we can. We can say that we are anxious ourselves, that we are sensitive to the trauma of the evacuees, that we hear the views of both sides in Israel, that we do not want to see violence, and that we hope and pray that all will act sensibly in this most difficult national drama.

    Young children can be encouraged to draw pictures and portray with puppets what they understand is going on. When a child acts out his emotions through art, music, play, or drama it gives the child a feeling of control and makes him less vulnerable and fearful.

    Older kids can have a "debate" in their family, where different family members portray the views of opposing sides in Israel and try to persuade the other " team" of their point of view. Asking teenagers what they would be feeling and how would they act if they were soldiers, Gush Katif residents, identifiers, road blockers, Prime Minister Sharon, Rabbis, leaders of Gush Katif settlements, police chiefs, the IDF, etc., can be a good outlet for them to express themselves to parents and reveal how they are perceiving the situation.

    Children need to be told that it is normal to feel upset and confused about what is going on.
    Parents, by giving legitimacy to your children's distress, providing honest information, giving outlets for expression, and giving extra parental nurturance and attention this week, you will be doing the best you possibly can be doing to minimize the looming potentially damaging psychological effects of this national trauma.

    Sara Silber holds a M.Sc.Ed and is a licensed educational psychologist specialist in family and marriage therapist dispute, family and pre post divorce mediator, child and family life skills seminar center in Ra'anana, Israel. 
    In practice since 1977 and fluent in English and Hebrew. 
    Sara can be contacted through her Website:
    www.israelpsychology.com





     
  • Divorce Mediation in Israel Gains Acceptance

    Children are devastated by divorce. Mediation can help ease their pain
    and reduce both short term and long term emotional and mental adverse affects.

    By Sara Silber
    Family Affairs Editor
    Israel News Agency


    Ra'anana, Israel----February 17.....In recent years divorce mediation has gained momentum as the channel through which divorcing couples work through their divorce agreement in Israel, the US and throughout Europe. Divorce mediation encompasses all the aspects of how family life will proceed after a divorce.

    Even the Israel court system now recognizes that mediation is the ideal way to pave the way for the breakup of the family when that is the choice that the couple has taken. The devastating, long term adverse ramifications of a divorce are great on all family members and mediation is now being embraced as the most effective means to ease the pain of the process. 

    Israel courts have their lists of approved mediators who have relevant professional backgrounds in the mental health field and who have taken required mediation courses. More and more as of late, Israeli courts have been referring divorcing couples to their approved mediators in an effort to have couples work out their divorce agreement through that process. 

    When couples go to a mediator the attempt is made to reach agreement on issues such as visitations with the children, child support, division of property, communication between the parents, and ground rules relating to all of the above. With the guidance of a neutral mediator who is knowledgeable about both court processes and child development, the divorcing couple can discuss their concerns and negotiate a working arrangement which both can live with. 

    The atmosphere of mutual respect and consideration of each other’s needs, which is cultivated by the mediator, creates a creative and constructive problem-solving approach which leads to good practical solutions. These solutions would most probably not have been arrived at if the couple had brought their issues to the courtroom arena with antagonistic divorce lawyers. 

    When a couple divorces through divorce lawyers the level of conflict is exacerbated in the attempt of each lawyer to prove their client’s goodness while exaggerating the ex-spouse’s negatives in order to gain the rights of his client. The need to “win in court” will cause even minor differences between the ex-spouses to be magnified in the battle to gain more time with children, more rights to property, and a “better” divorce settlement. 

    Whatever is won, however, is lost in the ensuing hostile relationship between the ex-couple and the terrible negative emotional impact on the children, of all ages. There is no price tag on the deep and damaging feelings of confusion, loss, betrayal, and conflict which are imprinted in children of a hostile divorce but the price paid is an extremely high one which loving parents should seek with all their might to avoid paying. 

    In Israel there is a dual court system – the religious courts and the civil courts, each with its own distinct advantages to divorcing men and women. When a spouse sues the other for a divorce settlement, the court system that receives the suit first is the system that decides the end result. Since each lawyer wants to ensure that his client gets the “best deal”, Israel lawyers usually encourage their clients to race to the court of choice, where they think their case will be favored, and start the process of litigation. Divorce attorneys discourage healthy communication taking the stance that both sides are at war and what they say can be used against the other spouse.

    The option of mediation gets overrun in the process, to the detriment of the whole family. When the angry spouses are afterwards then possibly referred to mediation, the baseline of their conflict has been raised considerably higher, making the process all the more difficult, draining, and tedious. Without mediation the couple can look forward to many sleepless nights after encountering police, attorneys, judges, marshall's office, private detectives, financial debt and most importantly their children who are now at high risk for regression, depression and abnormal emotional and mental development.

    It is best when couples agree to go to mediation before any litigation is started by either side. If a court process has already been started and then the couple goes to a mediator, the mediation will proceed on the condition that the legal process is frozen so that neither party will make decisions under the threat of a looming deadline. 

    In Israel, with the increase in the divorce rate and lawyers’ fees and the overcrowding of courtroom calendars, more and more divorcing couples are seeking and being referred by the courts to divorce mediation. A change in Israeli law now allows “no fault” divorce, whereas before, one side of the marriage had to prove guilt or betrayal that would justify the divorce. With the change, no wrongdoing by either side has to be proven. 

    Outside of Israel it is enough that one party seeks a divorce in order for the marriage to be dismantled. In Israel, however, it must be the desires of both parties to terminate the marriage. Judaism has always related very seriously to the issue of marriage. Two people must agree to it in the first place and you must have both partners wishing to end it. (Even in biblical times a man could not marry off his daughter without her consent, learned from Betuel asking Rivka if she agreed to marry Isaac). 

    The disadvantage of needing mutual consent to the divorce is that then the one who wants the divorce has less power than the one who doesn’t want it. The former will have to give a lot to the latter in order to get the needed consent if there was reluctance. This sets the stage for “bargaining” and exaggerated demands from the reluctant partner. 

    Abroad, because one partner cannot prevent the breakup, the couple will more readily go to mediation in order to work out the best terms. In Israel, on the other hand, because one party can prevent the divorce, the couple will not run so fast to mediation and will more readily use lawyers to extract more assets from the partner. 

    Mediation developed as an alternative so that couples could divorce in a respectable way. The traditional way of divorcing in the court destroyed families instead of serving them. In a divorce, the original one unit family becomes two separate entities and planning is needed so that both will be self-supporting and emotionally stable. There are proactive and preventive aspects in anticipating future problems and outlining solutions in advance (such as how visitations and sleepovers will change as a young child gets older). These are dealt with in mediation and not typically in the courtroom. 

    With recognition of how mediation can help families cope with divorce in a much healthier and calmer way and how it can help maintain a low state of conflict rather than exacerbating it, it is foreseen that more and more divorcing couples will seek that process as their modality of choice when the decision has been made to break up the family. 

    The writer, Sara Silber, herself an Israel court certified family and divorce mediator, is a coordinator of a new group in Israel - a Family Mediation Team - which has been organized to provide all necessary services related to a comprehensive divorce settlement. The team’s members are professionals in the mental health area - family and marriage therapists, clinical and organizational psychologists and counselors and cover large geographic segments of the country. On the team are lawyers, actuaries, property and tax assessors, all of whom have had mediation training. The Family Mediation Team, which will function under the Silpar Mediation Center, under the mediation portal Sulcha, will take much of the stress out of the process of getting to the final divorce settlement. 

    With mental health professional as mediators, couples in the divorcing process will see and take into account how each step they each take will affect the well being of their joint children and their long term adjustment. Educated choices can be made and each parent can then feel that they did the most damage control they could possibly do to protect the ones they love. And that,is what parenting needs to be. 

    Sara Silber, M.Sc.Ed, is a Certified Family and Marriage Therapist, an Educational Psychologist Specialist, and a Business and Divorce Mediator. Her private practice, established in 1981, is located in Raanana, Israel.
     
    Sponsored by IsraelPr.com





     
  • Interview with me by Haaretz Newspaper on subject of School Bullying- Nov. 16, 2007 read down to last 2 paragraphs

    So much for zero tolerance

    By Cnaan Liphshiz

    tags: anti-violence policies 

    Waiting for the doctor with their bruised 10-year-old son last month, the boy's parents - both new immigrants from the U.K. who settled in Ra'anana - could find little solace in the city's zero-tolerance policy to schoolyard violence. The boy said a bully had attacked him at school, but the headmistress said he fell and no one was to blame. Eventually, the boy switched to another school. 

    The headmistress said Simon (not the boy's real name) fell while playing. "Simon was not beaten and so there was no one to punish. We are following the municipal procedures for cases of violence," the principal told Anglo File. 

    The anti-violence protocol Ra'anana Mayor Nahum Hofri implemented two years ago requires uniform action against violent pupils, thereby limiting principals' degree of discretion. Under the plan, first-time offenders are sent to detention during breaks. Re-offenders are suspended for one day. Third-strikers are immediately suspended pending a talk and punishment. But no action can be taken unless a violent incident is proven to have taken place. 
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    In Simon's case, violence was not proven because his schoolmates said after the incident that he had fallen, contradicting Simon's claims that the alleged bully shoved him to the ground. Simon's father says he believes the other children are not telling the truth because "they are scared the bully might come after them next." 

    According to the boy's father, who did not witness the incident, the headmistress is covering up the truth. "Simon didn't just fall and she knows it. He told us it happened in plain sight in front of everybody in the schoolyard." 

    Simon's parents, who recently enrolled him elsewhere, say the incident was not an isolated occurrence. "This happened after three weeks of verbal abuse, kicking, hitting and foul language from the same boy," Simon's father wrote Hofri after the incident. 

    Simon's father, who arrived in Israel with his family in January, talked to the teachers at his son's former school about the taunting. He said he got the impression the teaching staff was determined to take no action, and even tried to blame Simon for running into social trouble. 

    When Simon's father posted his story online at an Internet forum for parents, he received 25 e-mails from parents who'd had similar experiences. Many responders were from the English-speaking community. They complained of indifferent teachers and principals who refused to take action. 

    One responder told Anglo File he advises against "taking the Anglo approach of being polite and patient." The man, whose son ran into similar trouble at his school last year, advocated "going in there yelling and getting angry if need be." The man and his wife eventually moved their child to a private school to escape bullies. 

    Some parents who responded to the story advised martial arts classes and instructing children to stand up and hit back. Others urged Simon's father to threaten the school with litigation in an attempt to prompt the teaching staff to act, while others favored complaining to the Ministry of Education and the municipality. All were clearly well-versed in handling bullying within the Israeli school system. 

    As many respondents pointed out, some schools appear to be taking a tougher stance on violence than others - despite the uniform protocol. "The first question my wife asked the principal at the new school was about their violence policy," Simon's father said. "They told us violent children are not allowed in the classroom until any complaint is checked out and determined to be true or false. That's exactly what we wanted to hear." 

    Vania Tzadka, chair of the parents association at Shaked Elementary School in Ra'anana and a mother of four children, says the new protocol has helped improve matters. 

    "Principals won't try to cover up violent incidents because of this protocol. The steps that the protocol dictates are strict enough to make a difference for children, but they're still not too drastic or harsh," Tzadka said. "They are measured and gradual." 

    Chenia Shamir, former headmistress at Meged Elementary School in Ra'anana, told Anglo File that she believed the new provisions were put in place to help principals with new circumstances. "Things have changed since my days, in the 1980s. The schools have changed, and the new procedures serve to address that change." 

    In response to Anglo File's questions about Simon's case, Ra'anana Municipality spokesperson Poli Kovdala said that "when a principal tells us the school's version of how a child was injured, their account is taken into consideration, but it's not the final word on the subject." 

    Kovdala added that Simon's parents will be invited for a meeting to discuss the investigation and get to the bottom of the incident. Mayor Hofri wrote Simon's parents to tell them he found their letter of complaint about the incident "disconcerting," and that it will be duly processed and checked. It remains doubtful whether the probe's outcome will be of much significance to Simon, who is in the process of adjusting to his new school. 

    Bullying is not endemic to Anglo immigrants but it is a common problem for the members of the community, U.S.-born educational psychologist specialist Sara Silber from Ra'anana said. 

    Silber, who runs the Child and Family Life Skills Seminar Center, says certain inherent traits some Anglo children display may invite bullies. "It's a matter of cultural gaps. Because Anglo children are often more introverted, timid or polite, they are sometimes perceived as being weak by other children," Silber said. 

    A mixed approach, Silber said, is the best policy to address the problem. She supports taking the school, child and circumstances into consideration when addressing the problem of bullying. "There's no easy fix. It depends on individual people. Sometimes martial arts are a good idea. At other times, it's best to change classes or schools. Role playing with the child can help. And applying pressure on the teaching staff in case of bullying can also have results."






     
  • Tips for Parents - Getting Organized for School

    As the new school year starts, many parents ask me for advice on
    getting their children, especially first graders, organized for
    school. Here are some of my tried and true suggestions that will help
    your children start off on the right foot and stay on track:
    1. Color code your child's schedule and subject materials with specifically colored covers and stickers. If math is red then all math books, notebooks, and workbooks should either be covered with red book covers or have a big red sticker on them. If there are 4 math items to be taken to school then write the number 4 on each item so that the child knows that when he has to pack up math materials he has to count 4 items . On the child's chart of his schedule of subjects, the subject of math should also be outlined in red so that he knows that he has to pack all the red items.
    2. Put in your child's schoolbag 2 differently colored big folders. One should say on it - take home and show parents and the other should be labelled -give to teacher. Explain to child to put in the first envelope all the notes that he has to show parents regarding school trips, money requested, etc. In the second folder he puts completed assignments, and the envelopes containing the signed letters, money, etc that he has to give back to teacher. For kids who do not yet read put a photo of yourselves on the to show parents folder to help them differentiate. This will serve other purposes too as the child can look at it if he misses you during the school day.
    3. Child should have a big bulletin board in his room for notices he needs to refer to such as birthday party invites, school trips info, etc. You can make vertical divisions with strips of colored paper on the bulletin board to demarcate sections of do today, this week, this month. The child learns, with your help, to adjust the position of the notices with the thumb tacks as time goes by and he sees what he has to attend to now.
    4. Teach your child how to make lists and checklists for daily routines and place them in strategic spots. They can be picture charts. Also, children need to be taught how to manage a diary efficiently and how to organize their belongings. If you yourself are not an organized person it will be difficult for you to teach your children so get someone else to help you with this. Organizational skills improve self-confidence and will help your child succeed in school.
    5. Teach your child early on how to wake himself up with his own alarm clock and to get ready on his own with minimum physical assistance. Give lots of reinforcement for being ready on time for school. Good habits should be instilled early.
    6. Morning time is usually very hectic so anything that can be done the day before should be. This includes preparation of sandwich, fruit, and water. Each child should have his personal colored bin in the fridge for his own items. Child can help prepare this himself when all the food is out on the table at dinnertime, just supply the baggies and give some guidance. Also to be prepared the night before are the child's schoolbag, according to the color-coded system outlined above, and the child's clothes, which he can lay out himself. All this should be done before the child is allowed to watch his last television show or play his last game for the day.
    7. Make sure your child gets to bed at a reasonable time for her age and has available a nutritious breakfast. If she is not hungry in the morning then give a fruit drink and healthy snacks to eat on the way or at school. 
    8. Be available when your child returns home to see her mood, give emotional support and troubleshoot any difficulties early on. If you are a working mom and are not home when the child returns, then give this needed attention after returning home. Children will not open up as readily on the telephone and you cannot see the child's body language and facial cues so it is best to have your conversations with your child in person than trying to do it from the office by phone. Small problems can become bigger problems if not attended to.

    There is a lot more to say on kids and organization. If you want
    more let me know!

    Have a good year!